forgive and forgetting...

Ok so I have a lot from my past to forgive...my not being able to forget seems at times to make it so hard to keep it forgave lol know what I mean...I'm sure you don't I'm sure I'm the only one out there that can harbor a grudge...whatever that is such hogwash we all have a hard time with this. I think it is one of the reasons it is talked about so often in the bible..

My husband and I have been doing this book called the Love Dare..AMAZING! We just have been so moved and strengthened even more by reading it. It touches on not only your marriage love and relationship but all forms of love and relationships.

Forgiveness was a very recent chapter. It is also something I read about recently in the Duggars 20 and counting book. He said something so amazing to me. He said "forgive before that person even asks for it and do something nice for them even. It will make it easier on you to forget and to not harbor bitterness. Who knows maybe your kind act will be the one thing to set them free or to bring them that much closer to salvation." BOY THAT IS HARD THERE JIM BOB!!! But ya know what it is complete TRUTH! I have been so humbled lately but reading their book and by the love dare. It get's easy at times to start thinking we know a little something but hey we really just DON'T!

So their are four people in my past three of which I have to deal with on a rather regular basis that have hurt me or my husband and in turn that hurts me so deeply that it truly just haunted me and was making me become a bitter bitter person! I am not that person I have always been loving and gentle and wanted the best for others. But these people well first off they are the type that NEVER say sorry and it is ALWAYS my fault or my husbands fault. They just can't take responsibilty for their own wrongs ya know what I mean. Yet as I read about forgiveness it was sayiing when you truly forgive and let go you will feel sorrow for those people and see that they must have brokeness in themselves to be and do the things they do and that you will be able to start praying for them instead of well hating them. So that is what I am doing. I have chosen to 100% forgive all from my past especially those four and to hence forth pray for them. That they might be saved or return to the Lord if they ever truly knew him before. I will pray that they will be able to be made whole and not suffer a fate of never knowing the comfort of having a God that loves them and wants to hold them and to lead them down paths of joy! Because by doing that it will be me practicing forgiveness and I know that God will be faithful and oventually I will feel that forgiveness and won't feel bitterness and won't have a part of my mind that says "grrr I'd just love to smack him or her or man they don't deserve this pray or joy" because fokes bottom line is we ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. In every day talk aint none of us perfect buddy and we want God to forgive us so we best get to forgiving others.

Kick off day and not much luck lol

Sooooo it is my official kick off day to a better me and school. School we've done great Mak can officially tell me A says a like ape and a like apple and E says e like eagle and egg. She has written them and finally has mastered lower case a. She has done her 30 minutes of violin practice, she has watched and aggriculture *can't spell to save my life* she is staying inside the lines even. We also have had a biblical studies and application lesson. We even had a cooking lesson. So yes yes school today has been quite a success!

As far as eating more healthy I have been doing so much better about not over eating and I am paying attention to what I am eating and why. Alas the exercise is hmmm shall we say a wee bit harder to get started. I keep trying to push myself and keep thinking oh I'll just start tomorrow! I just keep putting tomorrow off. It is soooo hard to bring myself to get up earlier then all when I am so very tired from waking to nurse so often at night still. I know it is no excuse many out there do it....I think maybe I am lazy lol.. It is hard to feel motivated to exercise when Myk *the hubs* is always telling me how beautiful I am and how I am perfect. *HAHAHAHA I am SO not* but it is nice to hear him say it none the less and to know that if I don't change he'll still love me all the same.

Yet I do NOT love me just the same I think is the main problem. I look at my arms and tummy and think BLAR lol and then I'll see pics of my legs and I think DOUBLE BLAR yet again he says how beautiful they are and I am....it's hard for me to mix the two together. LOL this is now turning into wow my hubby is great blog....but seriously his sweetness does make it hard to want to work out.. Let's face it exercise IS HORRID lol it truly is. I know I need to though it will make me healthier.

Ok new subject again. Let me just tell you that I LOVE the Duggers! I am reading their book right now and find myself crying most every other page. Their faith and strength amazes me. They always find time to stop and pray and BELIEVE fully that not only does God hear those prayers he cares very much about them. He has rewarded them so often with answeres to their prayers and even though much of their life has been hard work and sacrifice he has blessed them many times over now. They adore their children much like most of us and they are unafraid to say so! It makes me feel proud to be a mom and do desire more children. I have four of the most wonderful beautiful chilren you will ever meet by the way.. They are my life my love my happiness lol :) Yet we have learned an awesome lesson from the Duggars lately that I think I at times have missed the mark on Jesus first Others second Yourself last then you shall have such JOY!!! It is true it really is. I have been applying this to my life since I read it only 3 days ago now and it is making a HUGE difference in our family. Even my husband who tends to be more the quite one has been speaking out on his faith infront of the kids and when they fight or disobey he reminds them to "remember JOY jesus, others, yourself" I think I am going to write the Duggars again and tell them just how much that one life rule has impacted us....

Ok look for further posts later this week on life, exercise, school, and the Carters reading the Duggars lol!

Weight, health, and such things oh and Julia

Ok so all know I'm not the worlds best at this blogging thing. Let's face it I truly don't have much time on my hands to breath let alone blog. My four beautiful children and my husband are my everything. Not to mention I have a great parents, a brother his wife and two nieces, and my in laws that I love to see as often as I can. I have realized lately though that I have not been taking care of myself very well. I'm so busy thinking about everything and everyone else that I forget myself. I never ever excersise and lately because of stress and worry I've been eating like a full on cow! I didn't see it or since even how much weight I was putting on until I saw a picture of myself my sweet Hubby took recently! Oh my gosh all I could say was um I a big old whale of a women! It seriosly made me cry! Soooo what to do what to do...

Let me just say first I saw Juila & Juile last night with my sister in law Lyndsey. The young girl who loved Juila Child so much well she was turing 30 just like I did this year. She realized that she had never finished anything and was always running around hiding from anything real. She loved to cook which by the way so do I. She loved to eat and apparently so do I lol hence the reason I'm so gal durn FAT these days LOL. Ya know though I could truly relate to her. I have always given up on things and especially myself way to easy. Julie has given me a great great idea and challange for myself! Eat healthy and exercise every day for a year and blog about it. I figure heck if I have this as something I know I have to write about each day I will do it..

See if it were just my looks I'd not care God made us all different. It is the fact that my Dad has acid reflux and it just about killed him. I DO NOT want to ever go through what he did and one sure fire way to not is to loose at least a good 20 lbs off my tum. I never ever have problems yet since I've put on a bit around the middle here lately my tum has been given me a little bit of a kick grrrr. I have decided I WIN though because I CAN control this issue! I AM strong enough to do this and I WILL....

Like I said in the begining I have four children and I want to be here to see and play with their children not be all hobling along to fat to play or to sick to play. What if I were decide I wanted more. I want to be healthier! I do not have a weight goal just a health and how I feel goal. So jump on board if you so wish. Take this challange with me even! Let's write together be each others coaches and motivators and help mates! You strangers in the bloggin world lol bond and befriend and eat healthy and excercise for a year! Heck I figure if I can do this for a year I will be able to do it for life! Yet sorry sorry as much as I am sure all just LOVE to read my silly rambling really truly a diary of sorts I will do this part for a year only. I'm sure it will be great to look back on and see how far I can come. I must admit even I could just loose 20 lbs I will feel so much better about myself!

Hold on to your hats ladies and gents here I come I CAN and I WILL do this for me and no one else!! I will be good to myself and keep myself healthy because God gave me this life and I intend to live it well!

It's a boy!!

So ya we are quite and very excited and happy to announce that we have found out our little one to come in July is a boy! And he shall be called Liam Owen Matthew!

First toothy

Well finally after all the swelling an going down and swelling and going down and crying and aggrivation C has her first tooth to have broken through!!!!! I'm so excited!! She will finally have teeth to break things down instead of just gumming them to death lol poor dear she LOVES food and LOVES to eat just has a hard time doing so for obvious reasons so now she will be able too!!!

The feelings you bring can't believe you'll be 6 soon

Empty till there was you...a void of nothing and yet saddness a wondering would there ever be completeness.....a stick of two pink lines...a feeling of happiness and fear...oh God what if this one passes away too....months of planing of happiness of excitement of complete joy...growing a life growing inside me that was you...movement causes sweet anticipation to grow all the more...days pass by to weeks weeks to months and months into the morning of May 6th 2003. Then the night when they lay you into my arms...tears oh the tears of joy that ran down my face when they gave me the most perfect thing I'd ever seen....beautiful you....my Miss Mak...my love my life...my first born baby girl.

Color me orange??

Don't you just hate it when you order something that the picture online looks one way then you get it and it is SOOOO a different color??? Ok I can't complain truly because I got an AMAZING deal on these sheets I just got. They are 600 thread count egyptian satina cotton sheets and are SO very soft and comfty and they were on this freak sale for 16.95.
I found this soft light pinky color with just a hint of a melon undertone ya know that color it's just great.....well when I get them yesterday I'm shocked to see orangecreamsicle sheets lol I mean it's cool and all just NOT the color I was expecting...

So ya that was boring and way not blog worthy but just felt like sharing it....sub change

It has been raining here for oh FOREVER and my poor kids are going CRAZY wanting to play and run. Yet even when it stops raining for an hour or two it is grey windy and SOGGY from where the water doesn't have a proper way to drain here due to poor planning from the people who laid out this neighborhood. I know we need rain and I know it helps my herbs, flowers and veggies grow but still GRRRRR at least give me 3 days of sun in a row!!! Ok enough crabbing today.

My sweet little girl

Poor dear she is the sweetest most precoius (in my mind) little girl to ever live! Well, she is just in LOVE with Bindi the jungle girl ok like she looks up to her so much. Wants to be a zooalogist (spelling??)/vet/animal rescuer. She has watched Steve Irwin since she was gosh 14 or 15 months old. She has recently made a superpoke pet on my myspace page. She thinks it is just glorious and has such fun. My mom made one on her page as well and named it Bindi in honor of Makayla....well, miss mak new this yet when she recieved a gift the other day from my mom for her pet mom had written a little letter from Bindi for Mak's pet. I realized however as I was reading the note to M and she became more and more hysterical and screaming then throwing herself in my arms to teary and happy for words what had happened....my sweet little girl thought Bindi the Bindi had written her M wanting to be best friends with her. She was so overwhelmed and so excited I didn't have the heart nor did my mom to set her right. She was so emotional that even mom and I cried! She wanted to write Bindi a letter *straight away!* telling how she loved her and would love to be her best friend and how she was homeschooled too and how she couldn't wait to come see her in Australia. *sniff sniff* it was so sweet and pitiful for words all at the same time....

So today *grrr* this SNOTTY boy in the neighborhood and we shall refer to as MB short for Mr Bossy! Just broke her heart! He is one of those kids that is smaller then lots of the other boys but somehow gets them all to do what he says and is just so controling and attention seeking and grr snotty and oh gosh is he ever a ball box! So the other day he told M that her little friend J *a boy she has known since they were both born* wasn't going to be her best friend anymore or ever play with her again that he was only going to allow him to be his best friend and play with him. Today she was out there playing with her new Star wars toys and asked them if they wanted to come over and play as well and MB said "um don't you remember what I told you last time I played with you well it's true and he follows ME, come on J let's go play in the side yard." knowing that M isn't allowed over there. Her little lip trembled out and she just cried and cried going upstairs to get J's picture she has kissing it and crying on it saying no matter what MB says she'll always love him and be best friends with J. *ROAR says the momma lion* that is the first time I really thought I could punch a kid, lol I seriously just wanted to bust his butt for him! I was like ok Kelly just remind yourself that so the child is parented thusly he shall act. *Lord please let me pray for his parents and for him*

Rain rain

Go away come again oh a month of some other days away! Bleh no joke it has been pouring down the rain turing ourside yard (commen grounds) a SWAMP land and the kiddo's are starting to get on each others nerves because they want to run about and play. I am trying to not complain to much because I love flowers and I love the garden and KNOW just how much water those things need...but still grrr I need a few nice dry sunshiney perfect blue sky and breeze days too.

Enough griping now to the good stuff. I'm so glad I did the let's get organized thing! My kid's rooms have stayed clean for over a week now! The whole house is mostly clean lol *few little tid bits here and there but hey no one is perfect.* and school is going GRET! The kids are responding AMAZINGLY to our set routine and day. They have just loved it and are starting to even tell me "now it's number time or science time" whatever time of the school day it is. So very much fun. I've been just the proudest momma ever. Plus they are actually REMEMBERING what they have been learning! Makayla actually read a word the other day all by herself! She sounded it out and everything! Spelled it first then said what it was! I was so proud. It was the word zoo! She saw it on a bilboard!

Now to the 180 subject change

We have finally decided to bite the bullet and get a car. New to us not new new but new to us. We are going to get a minivan. I'm so happy!! We need one in the HUGEST way! We squish our three kids in a kia sportage right now!! Let me tell ya 5 and 4 year olds get quite aggrivated quite FAST in that close of quarters lol. So we are going to go in the next month and get a van. It will be great to have a second vehicle again as well. It's been a long time since we've had two set's of wheels! So now I won't have to call up my poor mom and bug her to take me somewhere or borrow her car for a moment during the day anymore!! WOOHOO!!!! :) Thank you hubby for that and for working so hard for our family!

Not a big fan

Of associations nope just not. Nor am I a fan of STUPID PEOPLE that sit around and think up reasons to report others to them. So ya my kiddo's M and E have a little wooden lawn table and a princess chair and cars chair that we set at them so they have some place to sit when they get tired or need a drink while playing. Well get this everyone apparently children's chairs are "offensive" and this was underlined and highlighted and capitalized THREE times in the NASTY letter we got from our dumb dumb association. So our by-laws state that lawn furniture is fine. Yet this rude horrid OFFENSIVE women is trying to tell me that because they are children's chairs they need to be folded up and put away when not in use. So I asked her do adult chairs on our porches and the porches of EVERY other unit but I think one need to be put away as well when not in use? "Of course not that is just absurd." Well my husband and I actually talked to a lawyer online and said we have more then enough grounds for a discrimination charge against them. LOL so he said to tell them if they write about it again that via our by-laws and what she stated about adult chairs we will not remove our children's chairs each night and that if they want to pursue this ABSURD issue then we will have no choice but to sue for discrimination and harassment. So ya even though usually they are icky I AM a fan of lawyers at the moment because they can tell you great stuff :) ROCK on all you little folks who sit in tiny princess chairs and get covered in dirt and scream with laughter and fall and get boo boos who melt my heart with your smiles! Offend away I say because this world needs to be shaken up a bit of a child is considered and offense!

Let's get organized

So ok I've always been one of "those" people. Ya know that every little thing is in it's place always neat and tidy and looking adorable. To the point where when my mom would put something away for me or dust *i'm a freak with horrid allergies and dust is one of my worst so yes my mammy would dust my room for me* I could tell when she'd moved something just because she didn't know the precise location it was suppose to be in lol. I had my whole days maped out and always schedualed wore make up looked cute ya know all that stuff. Orginazation was what I thrived on lived for loved lol. Seroius I HATE clutter and paper laying around and things not filed in their proper places having to look for things tripping on things all that.

THEN guess what I got married LOL ya so husbands lord love them are NOT organized unless you are one of those rare lucky women lol and probablly if your husband is organized your not lol I find it to be one of God's funny jokes. I think he get's great pleasure watching us grow each other. I mean that in a good way my faith in the Lord is what sees me through this life. Anyway so ya the hubs wherever he takes it off that's where it should be wherever he sets it down at that moment he'll forget it there wherever he falls asleep eating that bag of cookies or drinking that gallon of milk that's where it stays!! I growl and scream "M!!! I had to throw out half a gallon of milk honey! PLEASE try to remember to PUT IT AWAY!!!" LOL I can say this because he knows it and he knows I adore him. THEN guess what happened I had CHILDREN lol so my world became even more crazy. For so long now I have thought *because lot's of people loved to say stuff like "ok miss stuffy, ok miss prissy, ok whatever your to organized"* that I just needed to truly get over it and not worry about structure or order and just try and keep things and clean and tame as possible even if he made me crazy and want to rip all my hair out lol. .....

Well, I have come to decide that is NOT the case. At least not for my family. I think we NEED at least some order and some structure. I think it will seriously help us all. Things lately have just spun out of control and everyone keeps pushing bed times, wanting to eat at oh 10 at night waking up at 4 am or worse to me in some ways 10 and 10:30 am because there is no order no structure no true set times for things anymore. I feel like I'm constantly trying to remember when is the last time I cleaned that or scrubbed that or vaccummed there rooms or got to bathe! So a solution you ask whatever could it be...

LET'S GET ORGANIZED!!!!! Tomorrow morning after C's appointment I am going to Walmart *seriously gotta love that place* to get poster board, that clear paper stuff laminate I think it is, stars, and some sharpies! I am going to make up a schedual of the day for a month, list out times we get up we eat we do school *i homeschool* times we do chores, all that! I'm even listing Myk and I's chores ie he goes to work takes out trash kinda stuff and the days of the week i'm going to do differnt things...heck I'm even going to list baths! So fellow moms across the world here's to keeping your fingers crossed and hoping for a true change and break through and dare I say it ORDER!!! LOL

The "boice"

As aunt Lyndsey so perfectly put it miss Mak was THRILLED to hear the "boice" ie the voice by the celtic women in person. She was having to fight back the urge to get up and dance to it as she does in the house. She sang along lol even though softly she still sang along. At the end she told me "mommy as soon as I grow up when I join the celtic women singers you and daddy can come hear me sing at my concerts" it was grand!

I cried during so many songs. For those of you that don't know the Irish are so know for writing heart touch lullabies and well song period! I mean just amazingly beautiful stuff. These women have a way of writing and singing the songs in such a way that move even the "strongest" of men to tears. As I listened to words of songs of blessing and love I watched my baby girl who held my arm and leaned her head on me almost the WHOLE time with tears streaming down my face thinking how did I deserve her!! How did I EVER deserve that little creature I am looking down at that loves me nearly as much as I love her. I thought at that moment to make a life memory. I breathed in deep the smells around me taking in every picture of every little thing looking at her silky black hair knowing that when I lay old in my bed some day I will remember that moment that we shared together.

There was one song called Goodnight Angel I believe. It was a lullaby to a child and at the end it says "when someday you hear a baby cry and you sing this lullaby there will always be a part of me with you." At that moment I of course was snubbing as M was rubbing my arm pouring out I love you's and isn't it so beautiful mommy. Today though as we drove to pick up my husband was when I about couldn't breathe from the tears that caught up in my chest. She said out of the blue "mommy adelwise with our extra words that's the lullaby I'll remember forever and sing to my babies." Sniff sniff phew like I said how lucky we be the women that God blesses with children! Because there is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that can touch you and bless you and change you as much as your children. I praise God everyday for them and I'm so thankful I got to share your first concert with you baby girl...I bless you and you bless me too.

So excited!

This is just a quick little note to say I'm the luckiest mommy ever!! I get to take my little girl M *the 5 1/2 year old* to see the Celtic Women tomorrow night! She is just THRILLED beyond measure! She picked out our seats and everything. She is such a little hoot. She and I have been playing this since I found out nearly 3 months ago that they were coming. I will for sure post pictures and such from that *outing* for you all to see how very lovely she is ;)

I just read a blog of my friends talking about mommyhood and where does the time fly by too. I can so remember 9:33 pm May 6th 2003 when they layed that precious angel in my arms for the first time. I thought I'd never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. Never could I imagine how much joy and FUN she would bring to me the more she grew. Each moment is a memory each moment fun....even the aggrivating moments...are just fun

Justice is it here...nope don't think so

Ok so ya my husband has been working basically for free for the last 8 1/2 weeks at the post office. They said they had an "hr" glitch when it first happened and just gave us a voucher for 70 percent of his pay not including his over time pay or night pay. Well next two weeks oops sorry still screwed up....next two weeks oh sorry again...this time...oh sorry it's locked up we don't know where it is...we get it and guess what they wouldn't pay him for the first pay period that he worked 72 freaking hours in overtime alone!! Saying to him "oh well sorry the coding is wrong we don't know if you'll ever get that pay.' So after all this time of working tons of over time never seeing each other having to go through a whole slew of drama with my husbands ex because they messed over his off days back at christmas we get ya ready for this....600 dollars!!! That is it!!!! I just want to puke I'm so angry and so just I can't even put in to words how angry I am. We NEED that money they owe us we freaking HAVE TO HAVE IT! It's the difference between a van and no van! It's the differnce in so much! I'm just overwhelmed and HATE his bosses and hate STUPID management who "just don't know how this happened sorry" I mean come on people all you can say is sorry?? Sorry we're bending ya over??? Sorry we're breaking the law????? Sorry we just refuse to pay you for all your work for us!!!!!!!!!! Ya ok WHATEVER is all I can say. I swear if I could've just jumped in my husbands body for a few minutes I would have punched that stupid sorry jerk of a boss he has in the face!

Ok so a few hours have passed and I've been able to calm down some. I'm still so very angry, but i understand at least why Myk is so much smarter then I and didn't punch his boss. I understand most of all that he loves me and our family. Like my mom pointed out to me he loves us so much that he is willing to put up with all this crap and work over time yet again tonight because he wants to provide for us and keep his job. I am trying so hard to be a better christian, wife and mother. To pray for more faith to pray that God would help me be stronger and have more faith and believe that while yes on this earth Justice doesn't always happen God is our vengence and he will come through for us. He will secure Myk's job he will prove to me in all of this how much we all need him. So though this is not one of the finer moments in life bleh it is at least a building block and we will look back on it and see that we grew closer and stronger through it all..

To the mommy part of my day..lol ok so I did one of those DUMB things last night and let C (that's my nearly 7 month old daughter) keep napping from oh 4 on and on and on...well at around 11:30 she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed! LOL didn't go back to sleep till oh 3:30 I'd say tee hee oh mercy what a pookie girl she is for sure. I have the sweetest kids on earth though. M tonight prayed that God would help daddy at work and that he'd get his check. E prayed that God would make C (my niece this time who is 4 and has severe autism) not have autisms no more so she could take to him. *sigh* It's so sad when they pray those prayers yet I am believing with them. I will talk lots about that at times. It has been such a devistating thing in our family to have two neices with this horrid affliction. M tells me all the time they are still her best friends even if they can't talk to them or play with them "normal type" games. Both E and M pray each night that "God will give C and L( my 2 year old neice) a voice and that they wouldn't have no more autisms and that they could play and say i love you back"...those are the parts of mommy that make your heart ache....I'm sure those are the parts of L (my sister in law) life that break heart too...

Anyway so ya I'm feeling more calm and keep praying for faith and that God would shine his light in the darkness and clear the mercky swamp of craziness that is going on and bring to light the truth and that Myk would receive his due pay and that they would have to do right by them because he doesn't deserve this yuck. Night all!

The Aliens did it....

Ok so yes this is my first official start at "blogging" truly lol I mean I have done a few here and there but decided I wanted to have a record of lifes wonderful and not so wonderful things even. Because hey I can back it up and have it forever and in the end pass it on when I pass on to my children and their children. What better way to pass history even ya know. Sooo anyway if I suck at this lol sorry ima just do this my little way....

Ok I have a five and half year old BEAUTIFUL daughter named umm M (i'm told that's best for protection and stuffs) she is a hoot and a half no joke every day is sooo full of drama and life and laugh and ZEST with her. I am always amazed at the things she can do and say and think up. She is quite brillian for her age and I find myself floored at times at the things she can recall from her infanthood!! So ya today she told such an old whooper but it was so cute I almost couldn't keep it together....here we go

As I sat on the bed watching veggie tales with M , E (my 4 1/2 year old son), and my mom I took a look at M's legs. I thought wow that's odd she has a rash. As I looked closer I realized "wow that looks like razor burn..um that is razor burn...M did you shave your legs honey. NO I don't know what happened to them...well it sure looks like they were shave baby girl...tears well the aliens came in the middle of the night and did it I don't know why they did!!....*snicker snarel so trying not to laugh...the aliens wow thats amazing but I don't think aliens did it...tears...oh all right I did it but I was just trying to look more like a princess!!" So after I implored her to realize how important it is to ALWAYS tell the truth I then made sure she knew that even princesses have hairy legs especially the young ones....